You work out of a Hotel?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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