He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
