I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
