My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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