I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
