well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
