You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
