I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
