yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
