I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
