where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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