The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
