you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
