Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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