Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
