John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
love makes seman taste better
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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