he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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