I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
