Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
