the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
