no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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