at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need a beard to bite.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
