can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
