I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
