Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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