Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
