Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
