mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
