But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
