I am puke
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
