if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
