I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
