It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
