Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
