How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
