Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
