her vagine was all disorganized.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
