You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
