Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
