I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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