Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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