Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
