I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please come you make the beer taste better
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
