stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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