lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
