Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
