no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
