I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
