I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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