What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
