She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
