In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
please come you make the beer taste better
ugly people sure do ruin things
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
