i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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