Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
