I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
