im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
