Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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